Friday, March 21, 2014

Rap Kerfuffle

My brother recently instigated a "rap battle" of sorts between me and my friend Dr. Lou Tennant over Facebook. He stopped being my friend after about halfway through the sonnet at the end, so I guess I lost. Annotations will be explained at the bottom, because there's a lot that needs explaining. B: indicates my brother's messages, L: indicates Lou's messages, and H: indicates my messages.

High rolla
Pussy Patrolla'

Bells so mad [1]
it'd make you sad

That's it
time to quit
can't rhyme for shit
Lines that I spit
ain't a fit
Like a man tit
In mah mit

Bro steps into the fray
But his rhymes be gay
If he wants to see the light of day
He best pick a God and pray.

Bitch, I'm classically trained
I make it rain
Like kisses on my dick[2]
Hard as a brick
Every time I think of Sonic The Hedgehog[3]

(This part was stolen from Pokemon Cypher)
Y'all tryin' to rhyme?
Get up out, whatchu doin?
Y'all some unown lames
Gen 2, alph ruins

(This part was original?)
You're an old rod,
I'm a super rod,
But I hit yo' girl with this good rod

I am like unown
'Cuz I've got Hidden Powers
Have this water stone
Since you clearly need Showers[4]

Yo' rhymes be weak
Like Love ball: defective
While the words that I speak
are super effective.

B: Gold

Silver, and crystal, too
No need to be Blue

Wanna talk Pokemon? Don't step to me.
You can't win, there's no chance, see?
Wanna act big? Wanna play rough?
You putting me to me to sleep, like a Jigglypuff.
I'm tired of you. Better give it a rest.
Release those rhymes, if that's your best.
You got no flow, your shit's a bore.
Now that I'm asleep, lemme use snore.

But now my final form Hast been revealed
The power of The Bard is now my own.
For centuries these skills were safely sealed
The power of my poems knocks men prone.

A fearful phantom of five feet arrives
Each step it takes, the beating of a heart
Its endless march has trampled many lives
A pain parade in which you now take part.

My verse is smooth like sinusoidal curves
I'll school your English, physics, and your math
To step to me, you must have quite the nerves
I am afraid I've frayed them with my wrath

I spit a flood in which a man could drown
An uncontested king, I wear the Crown

[1] Bells are the currency in Animal Crossing, which is what started this whole thing.

[2] Suffice it to say, this is a reference to a thing in which some person rained kisses upon another's dick. I'm not naming names.

[3] This is a reference to a Game Grumps thing. You can hear it in this song.

[4] Showers is the Japanese name for Vaporeon. This is a thing that my friends and I know.

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